Heavy Burdens
by EmoGirl's Nightmares
Summary: A young girl has had a torturous life, and things don't seem to get any better in the future. But how she handles things life throws at her compels people to change themselves, for the better or for the worse. In the end, will she be able to keep living, despite the horror that has become her life?


I cried. I just sat there and cried for hours. I knew I was in the wrong here. I was over whelmed by guilt. I sniffled and sobbed as I whiped my running nose. My tears were drying on my flushed cheeks as I slumped against the bland wall, having cried myself dry. I closed my puffy, sore eyes and whimpered. How could I do this to him? To us?

**_*You're a traitorous bitch*_**

"N-no don't. stop. please don't start". My heart started to beat faster in my heaving chest. I shut my eyes tight and wraped my arms around my legs, trying to shut everything out.

**_*You never truly loved him*_**

**_*you're just pathetic*_**

"Shut up." I whimpered, fresh tears leaking from my sore eyes.

**_*you're a horrible creature. He didn't deserve what you did to him.*_**

**_*Murderer*_**

**_*Self-centred whore*_**

"Shut up! Go away! Please! I didn't mean to! I was just.. I.." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. I knew these voices were right. They always are. I started rocking back and forth slowly, tugging my hair and whispering those names over and over, knowing they were true.

**_*You just...? You just what? Crushed the guy that loved you, that gave you all of himself? That laid down his life for you time, and time again? *_**

**_*You will never get rid of us (cue manic laughter). We're having too much fun *_**

"Please... Please, just leave me alone, I... I just... can't do this anymore. You win, ok?" I shake my head slowly as I speak, admitting defeat. The next thing I hear these treacherous voices say, sends painful shivers down my spine.

_***HAHAHAHA oh our poor victim, we haven't even started* **_

_I whimper_

***FLASH BACK***

I was 14 when it all happend. When my life was changed forever. Such a young age to be put through such trauma. My hair was sholder length, straight and a chocolate caramel colour. I liked it at the time.

Daddy used to buys special drinks with our money. I didn't like them. They made him mean. He hurt mommy and screamed at me to go to his room in a scary voice. I was playing with my barbies mommy got me, when I heard the front door open and close. Thinking it was just mommy, I ignored it and carried on playing. A blood curdling scream rang throughout the house, causing me to jump up and bolt down stairs. I was expecting to see my mommy and daddy fighting, but instead, I saw mommy being pinned roughly down on the floor by a scary looking old man.

My daddy was lying on the floor. He was sleeping. The man laughed so I thought they were playing a game. Turning to go back up stairs, the man noticed me and smirked. He opened mommies legs and I walked over to mommy, wandering why she was crying. I saw pannic and horror flash in her eyes when she spotted me. "RUN! KAT! RUN AND DONT LOOK BACK! YOUR FATHER AND I LOVE YOU". I looked at her, confused and scared. I thought he was changing her diper, like daddy used to do with me when I was younger. He got his parts out, I was confused untill he went inside her. He seemed happy, so I thought it was still a game. He slid out a knife from his shoe, and thats when I knew it wasnt a game. He stabbed her ribs and slashed her stomach, blood oosing from her gaping wounds... The old man cackled and walked out. I was left staring into my mommys eyes. Her once soft blue eyes, glintering with love and laughter, were now dull and lifeless. I knew daddy wasn't sleeping, but was now in heaven.

***END OF FLASHBACK***

The screaming of my mother haunts me to this day. Echoing around my skull, bouncing off the walls and thundering against the roof. As I sit here, in my room, I replay those events, thinking about how cruel this world is. Why messed up people had to ruin everything I had. I was never the same after that. I mean, who would be? But... theres other things, that haven't been the same. A few weeks after the incident, I started hearing voices. Vicious, sadistic, malicious voices. They are nothing but pure evil. I don't know how to deal with them. I was never taught. After my parents we killed, I moved in with my best friend, Michel. He has always been my best friend. Ever since I can remember. He's in collage now. I'm 16 now. So I'm still young haha. It's hard to believe mom and dad were killed 2 years ago. It still feels like it was yesterday. I dropped out of school last year becuase of a major mental attack. Thank the voices for that.

***FLASH BACK #2***

I was sitting in my art class, painting some dark figure, when one of the voices spoke. What they were saying was inaudable, but just the fact that it was there terrifyed me. I knew they were there, but everytime they speak, its like the first time. Scary and cruel. My heart rate sped up so fast I nearly fainted. I started to shake. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I started to hyperventilate. My chest constricted and it was hard to breathe. I droped my paint brush and sobed. The voice yelled, causing me to fall off my chair out of fright. Every one was looking at me, watching me with confused, scared, concerned expressions on their faces. My teacher hurried over to me, but I screamed at her and pushed her away, scrambling to the corner of the white and blue room. I curled up and cried. **_*I WILL KILL YOU!*_** The voice boomed in my head. I screamed so loud and long, the teacher evacuated the class room. Michel's parents came to pick me up. By that time I was rocking back and forth in the corner, whimpering and sobbing. They took me out after that and now... No school is willing to accept me.

***END OF FLASH BACK #2***

Deeanna, or Dee for short, is Mitchel's mom. She's amazing. She's just like one of those moms that... well I don't really know how to describe it, but she sort of has a childish streak in her. She's always happy, fun, loving, understanding... she's just amazing. The same with Spencer, Mitchel's step dad.

Anyway. I'm still sitting on my bed waiting for sleep to take over. I just can't... I can't stand the voices. They only want to cause me harm. They just want to... they want to... To kill me.

I woke up at around 6:00 am, feeling like utter shit. My eyes were swollen and puffy. My throat was dry and rough, like sand paper. I rub my eyes and groan as my stiff muscles try to work out the knots that had been created from sitting in a fetal position on my bed for so long. The faint light the peaked through the window to my right did nothing to brighten up the bland grey room. The only things occupying the room was a white plain dresser at the front of the room against the wall, my four poster bed with white silk sheets and matching drapes and the carpet, which was a stormy grey fluffy colour. And to my left was my door. Nothing else was in my room. No paintings, no tables, no stuffed toys or posters... Nothing. Nothing...

**_*You ARE_****_nothing*_**

**_*Nothing but a cheating slut*_**

**_*I know it, 'He' knows it... YOU know it too.*_**

I sigh and growl at the voices. "Just shut up you worthless demons!"

**_*Oh! So now WE'RE worthless? Ha! Look in the mirror sweetie* _**

I slowly slide off my bed and slump to my door, entering the small hallway. silence. just the way I like it. So peaceful and rela-

**_*HEY! Hurry up and get goin' ya freak! We're waiting to go out!*_**

-xing. Spoke too soon. I pad down the hallway to a black door on my left and enter. It's not a big room. Just a shower and a sink and a toilet. Quite small indeed. I slid the door open slowly and turned the hot and cold water on. The response was immediate, the metallic head the hung loosely above me spread water onto my body, the sudden shock making me tense my muscles. The water slowly warmed me, soothing the ache that clawed at my limbs. Oh how I wish my day would have been better. A tear tickled my cheek and mixed with the clean water as I poured gentle soap into my hands. My fingers met my long hair, dancing into the mess it was, ridding it of the knots time had given. I never wanted this to happened. I dragged the soap over my body, the action soothing my tough skin. It reminded me of when he had been mine. The soap caressing my neck like his kisses, running along my body like when he touched me. More tears escaped my eyes, followed by my fist meeting the wall. I hated how I had cheated... Now, I could let it all out, and so I did. _**Somewhere, above the surface, a young girl dropped to the floor, letting the water caress her skin as she broke down and wept.**_

Once I was out and dressed, I walked out of the apartment and walked down the slightly buisy street. I looked at the scenes around me. Kids kicked the golden brown leaves that had fallen. They reminded me of... Me. I had fallen, and still I was kicked and stepped on. Couples walked closely together, protecting eachother from the icy wind. People rushing to and from work, hurrying to get out of the bitter cold. I wrapped my white scalf tighter around my neck and zipped up my fluffy black jacket. The leaves crunched and protested as my ugg boots landed on them. I breathed heavily in and out, watching my breath billow in front of my face. The smell of rain was thick in the air. The sky was so dark with snow and clouds, it could have been mistaken for the evening, though it was early in the morning.

I made my way to Theobroma Chocolate Lounge. It's an amazing place that sells wanderful hot chocolates. And other stuff. But I only go there for the hot chocolates. I start to feel happy, by just walking up to the door. This is the one place I feel safe. This is where I forget about life and enjoy a good book and a hot chocolate that makes me feel all fuzzy inside. As I turn the handle of the door, I sudenly get an uneasy feeling. Like I shouldnt go in there. Like I would regret it.

**_*I wouldn't go in there if I was you.*_**

**_*You wouldn't like it.*_**

"Shut up" I mumble befor I push open the door. As soon as the door opens, warm and comforting air engulfs me. The sweet sents of the chocolate and coffee surges into my nostrels, making my mouth water. I smile.

I stride to the counter, next to another customer. I look at the menu and decide to get a large milk chocolate hot chocolate.

**_*Huh. Fatty.*_**

**-Piss off Demon-** I say in my mind.

As I keep reading the menu, I feel someone watching me. I ignore it. It could be anyone. This place is always full of people. I order my drink and hum quietly to myself as I waited for it to come. I hold my hands out in eagerness as my chocolaty goodness was handed to me.. I giggle as the warmth spread through my frozen fingers and through my body. With a sigh of content, I turn around to search for a vacant seat. As I spot one, I catch the person who has been staring at me for the last 5 minutes. The person i've been trying to avoid. And he wasn't alone.

I paled, raising my hand to cover my rapidly beating heart as I took in the scene in front of me. I didn't understand, as if my brain short-circuited and needed to be rebooted. Around me, everything was in fast-forward, while I stood motionless in the middle of it all. How could this happen? I flounded for words, something to express the shock that coursed through me, but nothing came. Tears welled up in my eyes, and my heart was shattered.

**_*Oh stop sobbing. Grow up you little bitch. You did the same to him.*_**

When we made eye contact, his eyes widened and shock was written all over his face. The girl he was with gripped his fore-arm and looked at me with a hateful glare. She caressed his face and turned him towards her. The tears finally spill as he pulled away and stood up, watching my every move. I opened my mouth to speak, but instead wiped away the tears and ran out of the cafe. I sobbed and whimpered. My heart was shattered and my stomach twisted and churned with betrayal and fear.

**_*Oh my god. SERIOUSLY! you're so pathetic. No wonder he cheated on you*_**

**_*You should kill him. Kill him Kat, for hurting you so deeply. Wounding you so terribly*_**

**-Shut up! For f*** sake just SHUT UP!- **I scream in my head. I stumble down the now empty path, trying to get away from that scene. Just to forget it happened. The breeze was icy and immediately cut through my layers of clothing. I hear loud footsteps running behind me. I slump down and tug at my hair, squeezing my eyes shut, shutting out the visible world. Strong warm arms wrap around my shivering figure, and I lean into their embrace. I gasp and push away from the unknown person. I wipe my streaming eyes and look into the pair before me. Deep, soulful, brown eyes, glittering in the soft sun, staring at me with concern and fear.

**_*KILL HIM! DO IT!*_**

**_*Kill him Kat. You know you can. You know you want to*_**

**_*No one wrongs you, Kat. hahaha*_**

**-No. I deserve to die. To be punished for what I did. I did it to him first.-**

**_*And you will get your punishment. And so will he.*_**

I struggle away from Sam's hands as they reach out for me. I turn my head away from him and push away his hands. "God damn it Kat! Let me help you!" he growls. I whimper and let him help me up, still not making eye contact. He leads me back into the chocolate cafe. I yank out of his grasp and slump into the nearest chair. I wipe away my tears leaking down my frozen cheeks and fix my wild hair that the wind had messed up. I sniffled and looked over to Sam who was running his hand through his hair nervously. He looked so cute. How could I have hurt him like I did?

**_*You haven't hurt him you retard. He doesn't even know. If anything, he should feel the way you do. He screwed you over.*_**

**-No. We don't know the full story yet. He could have a logical reason for being with that girl-**

I tried to reason with the voices. But it wasn't fair that I was so hurt and angry at this boy, the boy that I hurt first. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know about what I did. That's not the point. The point is, is that I shouldn't have let it happen in the first place. But... But he didn't know about it... So, in his eyes, we are still together. He has no reason to be with that girl. That thought got me fuming. At least what I did, I felt guilty about it. I didn't mean for it to happen. How dare he!

I looked up at him. My eyes frosty and cold. He glances at me and quickly looks away. His nervousness was radiating from his shaking body.

"Explain." I simply state. He laughs awkwardly before leaning on the table with his arms crossed.

"I don't know how to, to be honest." he mumbles and looks down at his fidgeting fingers.

"Why, Sam? Was I not good enough for you? How long have you been with her?" I didn't look up at him as I spoke. My heart was crushed, and I didn't want him to see that.

"I don't know why, Kat. I just... I didn't love you anymore. But you were so in love with me, I didn't want to hurt you. I have to be honest, I didnt think I'd get caught. I've been with her for about a month now. And she gives me what need. I mean, you gave me so much. But something's I just couldn't wait for. And I'm so sorry you had to find out like this. I was going to tell you-"

"When?" I growled. I was looking down at the table. Too furious to look at his face.

"What?"

"When were you going to tell me? Before or after you crush my heart to dust?" I look at him now, tears blurring my vision. Rage boiled in my blood. My face was contorted in fury. I was as angry as a bull. My cheeks flushed and my eyes sparkled with ferocity.

"Look, calm down, Kat. There isn't anything I can do about it now. I don't love you anymore. Chloe is just better for me than you were. You didn't give me what I needed or wanted. Don't make a scene about it. Don't make the bad guy here" He looks around at the people that had started to stare at us. I didn't care about them. They could watch this and see him for the cowardly bastard he is.

"What? HOW DARE YOU!" I screamed.

"I gave you everything I had. My heart, my soul, my love! And just because I wasn't comfortable with slutting myself out, you cheat on me?! You bastard." I had launched myself from the chair to stand beside him threateningly. My normally calm and pleasant demeanor slowly changed and my face contorted in an all-consuming anger; my nostrils flaring, my eyes flashing and closing into slits, my mouth quivering, slurring words that were unintelligible came spewing into space like a volcano releasing its pent up emotions into the darkness. My hands closed into fists and I crouched forward, daring him to repeat once more the words that had torn my heart into fragments, that had dashed all my expectations of 'happy ever after'.

Sam shuffled back further into the chair trying to back away from me. I took a step forward. By now, the whole cafe was watching our every move. The silence was deafening and crushing.

He stood up and edged around me. He was sweating with the pressure of everyone's gaze, and what I would do next. The anticipation was heavy in the air.

"Just leave Sam. Leave and don't come back. Don't look at me. Don't talk to me. Just leave my life forever." I whispered. My soul burned more and more with every word that left my quivering mouth. My heart is no longer able to feel. It is now incapable of loving. The darkness that had been brewing at the bottom since my parent's death, has devoured it and has created a barrier of hatred and fear.

As he turns to leave, I hear him mumble words that pushed me over the edge.

"That's what I was planning to do anyway. You just made it easier for me."

I let go with a right uppercut to the head that sent him flying from one side of the room to the other at what seemed like the speed of light. His body made contact with the opposite wall and he slid to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

I stalked over to him and stood over his body. Leaning down so he could hear me, I said what I needed to.

"I'm glad you're a cheating asshole, because your best friend, Hunter, and i had kissed. And to be honest, it was better than any that I had with you." I looked him in the eyes as I revealed the burden that had been consuming me, and planted an evil smile on my face. With that said I straightened up and walked out of the warm cafe, leaving Sam to choke on my words.


End file.
